jisu

there was this mcdonald's ad on TV today that reminded me of something that happened in february this year. i had just gotten off the plane in china and it was already very late, and what do you do when it’s nearing the early morning? go to mcdonald's.

their menu isn't that particularly easy to read as they like to mix a blend of eastern and western food. but number 7 without the cheese looked acceptable.

before I go into too much detail, here is the 411. cheese in chinese is called nailao.

so i asked for the 'number 7 without nailao.' sil vous plait and all.

the girl at the counter looked up, cocked her head, and replied, 'what? without what?'

'nailao, the bright yellow square that could be mistaken for a roadwork sign.'

'you mean mustard?'

'no… i mean NAILAO.'

'we don’t have nailao,' she says all confused, then turns to another worker, 'hey jimmy! we don’t have nailao, do we?'

this jimmy person literally snaps back, 'pfffttt, nailao? what the fuck is that? no!'

by then i had realised this wasn't worth the constant talk and i could just pick the cheese off myself — my only problem with that is that sometimes the cheese melts and i can’t peel it off…

'okay don’t worry, just number 7 then, but what’s the yellow square thing?' i pointed to the triangle edge visible on the giant picture.

'that? OHHHH, that’s jisu.'

'sorry?'

'jisu, jeeeeesu! not nailao! we don’t know what nailao is.'

by now i could see she was getting very annoyed, so i smiled and stepped aside to wait for my order, all the while trying to figure out what this jisu is. i began saying it over and over in my head. jisu jisu jisu, jeeeeesuuu, jeeeezzuuu, chiiiiizuuu, cheeeezz-ooo... i think i laughed out loud upon realising jisu is just cheese pronounced with a very heavy asian accent.

and yes the 'jisu' indeed melted onto everything else.

adventure owl

emma

weird much

i had the weirdest dream this morning. i dreamt that mel and kochie (these two breakfast show hosts in australia) were my parents and i had a random asian kid as my brother. we were being evicted from our house and the only person who could save us was penelope cruz. but she was in the RMIT female gym and you needed an university ID to get in. i jumped the barrier on a staircase leading up to the gym but got chased and they didn't believe me when i said i lost my ID card. i then decided to jump onto one of the letter O's in yahoo.com so I could swing over to the gym (through presumably a portal). then i woke up.

isabella iii

isa

tales from new plymouth

i was eight years old and had just moved to new plymouth. it was the beginning of the year and we were all handed these wrapping papers to sell as a fundraiser for the school. it's not compulsory to sell them but it was my first month there and i didn't want to lose face. thinking back would an eight year old even know about face? i ask my parents to buy some but they decline, and suggest i try selling it to the neighbours. thinking back what parents let their child go door knocking sans halloween? so i go out and start door knocking asking whether people wanted wrapping paper.

i walked and walked door to door, before you know it i'm down some green valley with no direction of where i am. i knock on the door of a very nice house and an old lady opens up and greets me with her wrinkly smile, she asks me what i'm doing and i tell her i'm selling wrapping paper for my school, she chuckles and asks me to come in and i do. but i regretted doing so as soon as i stepped in. she gently shuts the door, then heads down the hall way while asking me whether i'd like some tea or coffee, i have no idea what they are so i reply 'no thank you', but she says, 'surely you must sit down' or something along those lines, words that invite you to their kitchen.

i look around and the house is so very nicely decorated, so lovely was the interior my mind starts to twist. i use to read all these fables of the west when i was growing up and one of them was about two siblings who get captured and fed by this evil old lady who plans to eat them. i start panicking and i didn't move from my spot near the door, i thought about rushing out, but she might be really fast or have a broomstick. so i freeze, just standing there while creating this elaborate tale of how i might die in my mind. she comes back down the hallway with her smile and keeps trying to shuffle me in the house more, i don't move a muscle because i'm scared.

she looks a little upset and goes away and comes back with her purse. she asks me how much for the wrapping papers and i tell her. she buys the whole lot and hands me the money. i say thank you and she opens the door for me, i walk out slowly but i start running as soon as i pass the front gates. thinking back the old lady was probably lonely and i wish i had stayed for a little while. funny how when you are a child your mind can run so far off the map.

when i am sad i stop being sad and be something else

the other day i was hanging out with charlie, we decided to get pizza for dinner, i wanted to eat it on the lawn outside the state library. but he didn't want to, because it was cold. i said i really wanted to, so he smiled his smile and agreed. we walked to lygon st and went to the first pizza place we saw, because we had walked a lot that day and didn't want to walk much further. the man at the restaurant said hi and we said hello. he asked us what we wanted and charlie chose, he then asked me if i wanted to pick another half. i picked tropical. i like my pizzas with not too many toppings and charlie likes pineapple. the man said 'you kids look like good kids, i give you special.' i laughed a little and commented he must have been having a good day. he looked at us and waved his arms into the air, 'everyday is a good day! you make it beautiful.' i smiled. i thought of charlie because he hadn't been having too many good days lately. the man continued, 'even if other people upset you, at the end of the day, it is yours and you make it beautiful. okay?'. i nodded as if knowing that was the greatest.

winter climb

breathe

katie

where troubles melt like lemon drops

the younger me never let me down (ultimately). i felt i was pretty much ready for world domination by age five. i was a rebel without a cause, another runaway, in prep i loved maths and public speaking, and enjoyed most other subjects with the exception for music*. sure i didn't know some simple things, like the structure of a generic family, and where babies came from; i thought you could buy babies from hospitals. my grandfather further fuelled this belief by one day leaving me on a public seat in the hospital to 'look for a baby brother in that office over there where no kids are allowed'. he returned after 40 minutes with no one, and when questioned, he casually said they were all 'sold out' and won't be restocked for another few months. however i knew other things, like how to kung fu a kidnapper and catch grasshoppers.

*something generic asian parents with a piano fetish refuse to see. if you are born asian, you will either play or have been forced to play the piano or violin, sometimes both.

nanking road, shanghai