not so great things about life

scams
i don't know how it happens often enough for me to have it at the forefront of my mind. whether it's someone who won't pay me for work i have done, being sold a sofa online that is... 99% not a sofa, or like... just epic mark ups of polyester ensembles sold as silk at the market. the sadness i feel after getting scammed is cinematic. it's missing your love interest as you head into the elevator while they head out because neither of you know how to use a mobile phone in a mid 2000s k-drama type of sad.

capitalism

this is a scam.

sexism

a total scam.

racism

most definitely a scam.

distance

i wish i could live in the same town as all the people i love. it pains me to be far away. this is the type of pain that does not make you a better person, it serves no purpose. i suspect this also might be a scam.

mistaking liquids or powdering substances that look the same

put salt in your tea? check. used powdered sugar instead of corn starch? check. poured out a bowl of oil thinking it's shiitake mushroom-soaked water? check. these things don't need to happen, one smell or a more intense observation will reveal the truth in front of you. but somehow it still needs to happen just to keep me humble.

book publishers

why are there not better books published?

the feeling of regret

it is interesting to feel this. is it not an interesting feeling?? regret. sometimes it haunts you like a recurring nightmare, and other times it just nibbles away at you but you don't need to pay too much mind. i think most of the ongoing icky feeling of regret, stems from the things i wish we had done. for example, i knew i wanted to live in new york, i moved there, it was horrible, but i have no regrets because i did it. but all the things i didn't do, i.e call my maternal grandmother when she asked me to, i feel intense regret just thinking about to this day 10 13 years later. she said 'just call me for five minutes when you get back to australia' but i was too busy being lazy. when i did finally call many months later, it was too late. i feel physical pain when i think about this, the regret stays like a grey cloud that won't pass.

visas

the world belongs to all of us. this is another scam.