not so great things about life

scams
i don't know how it happens often enough for me to have it at the forefront of my mind. whether it's invoices not being paid, an online sofa purchase that is... 99% not a sofa, or polyester sold as silk. the sadness i feel after getting scammed is cinematic. it's missing your love interest as you head into the elevator while they head out because neither of you know how to use a mobile phone in a mid 2000s k-drama type of sad.

capitalism

this is a scam.

sexism

a total scam.

racism

most definitely a scam.

distance

i wish i could live in the same town as all the people i love. it pains me to be far away. this is the type of pain that does not make you a better person, it serves no purpose. i suspect this also might be a scam.

book publishers

why are there not better books published?

the feeling of regret

it is interesting to feel this. is it not an interesting feeling?? regret. sometimes it haunts you like a recurring nightmare, and other times it just nibbles away at you but you don't need to pay too much mind. i think most of the ongoing icky feeling of regret, stems from the things i wish we had done. for example, i knew i wanted to live in new york, i moved there, it was horrible, but i have no regrets because i did it. but all the things i didn't do, i.e call my maternal grandmother when she asked me to, i feel intense regret just thinking about to this day 10 13 years later. she said 'just call me for five minutes when you get back to australia' and i didn't. when i did finally call many months later, it was too late. i feel physical pain when i think about this, the regret stays like a grey cloud that won't pass.

visas

the world belongs to all of us. this is another scam.